My marriage revealed my ugly heart

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I never really knew how ugly my heart was until I married my husband. Seeing that I had this victim mentality because of the things I endured in life… I carried some pretty ugly character traits into my marriage. I was short tempered, cut throat with my words, and down right SELFISH I would literally catch a WHOLE attitude if he ate something of mine in the refrigerator lol (I was pretty selfish). If it took him longer to get home then I thought it should I would call him to “check on his safety” but what I REALLY was doing was making sure he wasn’t out cheating (I was beyond insecure and making him pay for what my ex boyfriends did). I needed validation from him so when he didn’t praise me for cooking, cleaning, or whatever else I may have done around the house… you guessed right! I CAUGHT A WHOLE ATTITUDE AGAIN!!!! Although he pretty much loved me through ALL my drama it wasn’t his drama to deal with. I needed to heal and become whole. I had no idea how ugly my heart was until it was time to love someone WITHTOUT conditions.

You may be thinking…. “Miracle, why you putting yo business out girl?!?!” Sis, I don’t share anything I don’t first pray about and I see the fruit of it prospering in my own life before I try to help others. Also, my purpose in life is to be real and transparent with my life so my sisters don’t have to experience the same thing. I want to encourage you to become whole BEFORE you get married. Being married does not fix your problems nor does it make you more happy. What it does is highlight all of your flaws and insecurities to the point that it either backs you up into a wall and you decide to ask the Lord to change YOUR heart or you choose to take the easy way out and run. But YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOURSELF!

If you’ve been cheated on in the past. The best thing you can do is heal and make sure you don’t carry trust issues into a marriage. If you’ve been physically, emotionally, or verbally abused you must heal from that as well. Don’t brush it off thinking you good. You’ll begin to sabotage your marriage because you’re used to chaos and you won’t know how to accept peace in your own home (This was also me). If you’re not whole you’ll look for praise and validation from your husband. And if you’ve seen or been in some pretty dysfunctional relationships where you or you’ve seen another woman yell, curse, talk down, and demean a man you’ll do the same thing to your husband.

I know you probably thinking “well he ain’t perfect… he does this, this, and some of this too”. well sis this post isn’t about your husband or mine. It’s about US being whole in Christ before we yoke our self up with another person. All it will do is cause strife, resentment, depression, a miserable life, and possibly divorce… and if you don’t feel good about yourself or think you don’t deserve much at all You’ll marry a man that’ll treat you as such. If you’re already married and discovering some of your own self destruction is to blame for the breakdown of your marriage then get to work. Don’t just sit there and let your marriage fall apart. I chose to own up to MY insecurities! MY trust issues! MY bad character traits! MY hateful speech! MY lack of affection shown towards him because I was “mad” (another dysfunctional character trait I used to “control” him.

Marriage is a mirror and you will see your heart for what it truly is. Although many times we like to point the finger at our spouse.. often times it’s something about ourselves that need fixing. So I encourage you to get alone before the Lord and ask Him for help in dealing with areas of your life that you’ve neglected for so long. Search his word and see what it means to be a worthy wife. Ask the Holy Spirit to arrest your heart AND TONGUE the next time you want to cut your husband down because of the turmoil going on inside your own heart. We are to be our husbands PEACE and if we’re ready to beat him up (verbally) as soon as he gets home how exactly is that being his peace!?!? and even if your actions/words are justified don’t be led by your flesh to act on them. We are women after God’s own heart. We are women submissive to the word of God. We are women with gentle and quiet spirits drawing our husbands and others to Christ by our speech and actions. You must get to the root that’s causing you to act out the way that you do… and NO IT”S NOT ALWAYS HIS FAULT!! We are not perfect little princess (even though I claimed to be lol)

Sis, I love you so much and I pray that if you’re in the midst of turmoil in your marriage. Don’t be so quick to point the finger at him but rather choose to search your own heart and ask God how YOU can change and become better. When I became a better God fearing wife led by the spirit rather than my emotions it showed in how I interacted and treated other people as well. If you are not yet married I urge you to look at yourself and become whole in Christ. If you’re hurting you shouldn’t be dating you should be healing.

 

Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

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The Four Tongues: Controlling the tongue

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Controlling the tongue can be sooooo hard to do. I found this being one of the hardest things to do once I gave my life to Christ. Why? Because for years I allowed anything to come out of mouth. I cursed ALL THE TIME! I felt like I couldn’t properly get my point across if I wasn’t cursing the person out that upset me. I gossiped about other peoples business but would be ready to fight if I heard anyone discussing anything about me (how backwards is that??). I was quick tempered and once angry there was no telling what would flow out of my mouth next. There was nothing that came out of my mouth that would please God nor bring him glory.

Can you relate at all? Come on sis be honest….there’s no judgment here! My only goal is to be real and transparent so that you to will won’t to break free from these bad behaviors that we adopt as our own. While doing a bible study I came across a section in my study bible that said “The four tongues”. God really shook the foundation on which my tongue had been operating in for YEARS…  and hooonnneeyyyyy!!! Did he reveal my ugly self to ME!!! Let’s take a look shall we..

THE FOUR TONGUES:

THE CONTROLLED TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern think before speaking, know when silence is best, and give WISE advice.

THE CARING TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern speak TRUTHFULLY while seeking to ENCOURAGE.

THE CONNIVING TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern are filled with wrong motives, gossip. slander, and a desire to twist truth.

THE CARELESS TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern are filled with lies, curses, quick-tempered words which can lead to rebellion and destruction.

Sis, which of the four tongues are you operating in RIGHT NOW?!? Don’t put yourself down if it’s the last two (The conniving & careless tongue). Just recognize and choose to change. Ask God to help you change the condition of your heart FIRST! What’s in your heart will come out of your mouth (Luke 6:45). The process of changing your heart will NOT be easy. When I asked God to change my heart and speech. WHEW!!! I got put in some pretty difficult situations. Situations that I would normally gossip, slander, curse, lie and cause destruction. I now had to CHOOSE to do something different. I started saying “Oh the devil is testing me today. Get behind me satan”. BUT THAT WAS NOT SATAN. How did I expect God to help me change my speech if I never got put in situations that challenged me to do better.

SIGNS OF AN UNTAMED TONGUES:

If you find yourself gossiping, slandering, putting others down, bragging and being self righteous, manipulating others with your words to get your way, false teaching and the twisting of Gods word to fit whatever it is you want, exaggerating, complaining, and lying.. TO NAME A FEW!!!! Sis I urge you to make a change and seek to want better for yourself.

BEFORE YOU SPEAK ASK YOURSELF: 

  1. Is what I’m about to say true?
  2. Is it necessary?
  3. Is it kind?
  4. Is it edifying those listening?
  5. Will it stir up anger/conflict

The tongue is a flame of fire and fire destroys. Be careful how you use it. You can’t control nor reverse the damage of a uncontrolled tongue.

Let’s pray!

Father, I repent for the many times I used my tongue to tear people down rather than edify them with my words. I repent for every unwholesome talk that has came out of my mouth and every lie that I’ve told. Father I thank you for the Holy Spirit convicting power of revealing my wicked ways to me. Lord i belong to you and i want to look more like you, sound more like you so that people will recognize who I belong to by the powerful edifying word that I choose to speak. Place me in situations that can get me into the habit of glorifying you with my words. Anytime that I slip into my old speaking habits I pray that I do not fall into condemnation but I quickly repent and get back to to controlled and caring tongue that you want me to have. Father I love you and I thank you for never giving up on me. I pray that I always draw strength from you to keep going no matter how tough this pruning process may get. In Jesus precious name I do pray. Amen!

SCRIPTURES TO MEDITATE ON:

James 3:6-And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, fr it is set on fire by hell itself

Proverbs 10:19- To much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 10:32- The lips of the godly speak gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off.

Proverbs 12:19- Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.

Luke 6:45- A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from your heart.

Ephesians 4:29- Don’t use foul abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

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