My marriage revealed my ugly heart

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I never really knew how ugly my heart was until I married my husband. Seeing that I had this victim mentality because of the things I endured in life… I carried some pretty ugly character traits into my marriage. I was short tempered, cut throat with my words, and down right SELFISH I would literally catch a WHOLE attitude if he ate something of mine in the refrigerator lol (I was pretty selfish). If it took him longer to get home then I thought it should I would call him to “check on his safety” but what I REALLY was doing was making sure he wasn’t out cheating (I was beyond insecure and making him pay for what my ex boyfriends did). I needed validation from him so when he didn’t praise me for cooking, cleaning, or whatever else I may have done around the house… you guessed right! I CAUGHT A WHOLE ATTITUDE AGAIN!!!! Although he pretty much loved me through ALL my drama it wasn’t his drama to deal with. I needed to heal and become whole. I had no idea how ugly my heart was until it was time to love someone WITHTOUT conditions.

You may be thinking…. “Miracle, why you putting yo business out girl?!?!” Sis, I don’t share anything I don’t first pray about and I see the fruit of it prospering in my own life before I try to help others. Also, my purpose in life is to be real and transparent with my life so my sisters don’t have to experience the same thing. I want to encourage you to become whole BEFORE you get married. Being married does not fix your problems nor does it make you more happy. What it does is highlight all of your flaws and insecurities to the point that it either backs you up into a wall and you decide to ask the Lord to change YOUR heart or you choose to take the easy way out and run. But YOU CAN’T RUN FROM YOURSELF!

If you’ve been cheated on in the past. The best thing you can do is heal and make sure you don’t carry trust issues into a marriage. If you’ve been physically, emotionally, or verbally abused you must heal from that as well. Don’t brush it off thinking you good. You’ll begin to sabotage your marriage because you’re used to chaos and you won’t know how to accept peace in your own home (This was also me). If you’re not whole you’ll look for praise and validation from your husband. And if you’ve seen or been in some pretty dysfunctional relationships where you or you’ve seen another woman yell, curse, talk down, and demean a man you’ll do the same thing to your husband.

I know you probably thinking “well he ain’t perfect… he does this, this, and some of this too”. well sis this post isn’t about your husband or mine. It’s about US being whole in Christ before we yoke our self up with another person. All it will do is cause strife, resentment, depression, a miserable life, and possibly divorce… and if you don’t feel good about yourself or think you don’t deserve much at all You’ll marry a man that’ll treat you as such. If you’re already married and discovering some of your own self destruction is to blame for the breakdown of your marriage then get to work. Don’t just sit there and let your marriage fall apart. I chose to own up to MY insecurities! MY trust issues! MY bad character traits! MY hateful speech! MY lack of affection shown towards him because I was “mad” (another dysfunctional character trait I used to “control” him.

Marriage is a mirror and you will see your heart for what it truly is. Although many times we like to point the finger at our spouse.. often times it’s something about ourselves that need fixing. So I encourage you to get alone before the Lord and ask Him for help in dealing with areas of your life that you’ve neglected for so long. Search his word and see what it means to be a worthy wife. Ask the Holy Spirit to arrest your heart AND TONGUE the next time you want to cut your husband down because of the turmoil going on inside your own heart. We are to be our husbands PEACE and if we’re ready to beat him up (verbally) as soon as he gets home how exactly is that being his peace!?!? and even if your actions/words are justified don’t be led by your flesh to act on them. We are women after God’s own heart. We are women submissive to the word of God. We are women with gentle and quiet spirits drawing our husbands and others to Christ by our speech and actions. You must get to the root that’s causing you to act out the way that you do… and NO IT”S NOT ALWAYS HIS FAULT!! We are not perfect little princess (even though I claimed to be lol)

Sis, I love you so much and I pray that if you’re in the midst of turmoil in your marriage. Don’t be so quick to point the finger at him but rather choose to search your own heart and ask God how YOU can change and become better. When I became a better God fearing wife led by the spirit rather than my emotions it showed in how I interacted and treated other people as well. If you are not yet married I urge you to look at yourself and become whole in Christ. If you’re hurting you shouldn’t be dating you should be healing.

 

Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

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The Four Tongues: Controlling the tongue

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Controlling the tongue can be sooooo hard to do. I found this being one of the hardest things to do once I gave my life to Christ. Why? Because for years I allowed anything to come out of mouth. I cursed ALL THE TIME! I felt like I couldn’t properly get my point across if I wasn’t cursing the person out that upset me. I gossiped about other peoples business but would be ready to fight if I heard anyone discussing anything about me (how backwards is that??). I was quick tempered and once angry there was no telling what would flow out of my mouth next. There was nothing that came out of my mouth that would please God nor bring him glory.

Can you relate at all? Come on sis be honest….there’s no judgment here! My only goal is to be real and transparent so that you to will won’t to break free from these bad behaviors that we adopt as our own. While doing a bible study I came across a section in my study bible that said “The four tongues”. God really shook the foundation on which my tongue had been operating in for YEARS…  and hooonnneeyyyyy!!! Did he reveal my ugly self to ME!!! Let’s take a look shall we..

THE FOUR TONGUES:

THE CONTROLLED TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern think before speaking, know when silence is best, and give WISE advice.

THE CARING TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern speak TRUTHFULLY while seeking to ENCOURAGE.

THE CONNIVING TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern are filled with wrong motives, gossip. slander, and a desire to twist truth.

THE CARELESS TONGUE: Those with this speech pattern are filled with lies, curses, quick-tempered words which can lead to rebellion and destruction.

Sis, which of the four tongues are you operating in RIGHT NOW?!? Don’t put yourself down if it’s the last two (The conniving & careless tongue). Just recognize and choose to change. Ask God to help you change the condition of your heart FIRST! What’s in your heart will come out of your mouth (Luke 6:45). The process of changing your heart will NOT be easy. When I asked God to change my heart and speech. WHEW!!! I got put in some pretty difficult situations. Situations that I would normally gossip, slander, curse, lie and cause destruction. I now had to CHOOSE to do something different. I started saying “Oh the devil is testing me today. Get behind me satan”. BUT THAT WAS NOT SATAN. How did I expect God to help me change my speech if I never got put in situations that challenged me to do better.

SIGNS OF AN UNTAMED TONGUES:

If you find yourself gossiping, slandering, putting others down, bragging and being self righteous, manipulating others with your words to get your way, false teaching and the twisting of Gods word to fit whatever it is you want, exaggerating, complaining, and lying.. TO NAME A FEW!!!! Sis I urge you to make a change and seek to want better for yourself.

BEFORE YOU SPEAK ASK YOURSELF: 

  1. Is what I’m about to say true?
  2. Is it necessary?
  3. Is it kind?
  4. Is it edifying those listening?
  5. Will it stir up anger/conflict

The tongue is a flame of fire and fire destroys. Be careful how you use it. You can’t control nor reverse the damage of a uncontrolled tongue.

Let’s pray!

Father, I repent for the many times I used my tongue to tear people down rather than edify them with my words. I repent for every unwholesome talk that has came out of my mouth and every lie that I’ve told. Father I thank you for the Holy Spirit convicting power of revealing my wicked ways to me. Lord i belong to you and i want to look more like you, sound more like you so that people will recognize who I belong to by the powerful edifying word that I choose to speak. Place me in situations that can get me into the habit of glorifying you with my words. Anytime that I slip into my old speaking habits I pray that I do not fall into condemnation but I quickly repent and get back to to controlled and caring tongue that you want me to have. Father I love you and I thank you for never giving up on me. I pray that I always draw strength from you to keep going no matter how tough this pruning process may get. In Jesus precious name I do pray. Amen!

SCRIPTURES TO MEDITATE ON:

James 3:6-And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, fr it is set on fire by hell itself

Proverbs 10:19- To much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 10:32- The lips of the godly speak gives wise advice, but the tongue that deceives will be cut off.

Proverbs 12:19- Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.

Luke 6:45- A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from your heart.

Ephesians 4:29- Don’t use foul abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.

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Show mercy

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God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy -Matthew 5:7

“Show mercy? Do you know what they did to me? Did you hear how they just came for my life? They spread rumors about me. They physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me. They told everything I shared during what I THOUGHT was intimate conversations with a dear friend….. and you want me to show mercy?!?!?!?”

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

To show mercy means to to show compassion or forgiveness when you could seek revenge. Showing mercy towards someone means to restore them even if getting even and having anger towards them is “justified”.

To often we try to decide who we THINK deserves mercy…. but we have no right to those thoughts at all. We disappoint God and often fall short of His glory yet in stead of throwing us away while we were yet still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). Our loving Father who had every right to withhold mercy from us sent His Son to pay the penalty of our sins that was rightfully ours to pay. When we seek to be restored through repentance He shows us MERCY! Isn’t He so GOOD?!? Do we deserve it?? ABSOLUTELY NOT… but God loves us so much to not leave us in our filth.

I want to encourage you to show mercy to those who need it.. which is EVERYONE!!! As believers when God instructs us to be set apart ready to be used by Him. More times then not that means dying to what your flesh wants to do and showing others God’s love through your actions AND reactions towards them.

In this life we will run into some pretty difficult people. I want you to extend NEW grace and mercy every morning the same way our loving Father does for us (Lamentations 3:22-23). Pray for the areas of them that may be lost and pray that they come to know Jesus and no longer be driven by their sinful nature.

Let’s pray

Father, I want to thank you for the new mercy and grace you give me each morning. Forgive me for not extending to others what you so graciously give to me. Father reveal to me whatever it is that causes my heart to grow cold towards others when I should be restoring them with love. Help me to not get so caught up in thinking I look lame to others because I choose to submit to the Holy spirit working through me rather than my flesh. Help me to be more concerned about not breaking your heart over getting the approval from man in the way I choose to handle situations when this world says I should seek revenge. Father I pray that with the way I choose to submit to your ways in the way I act and react to difficult people make others see my deeds and praise YOU and seek to do things differently in their own lives. Lord I love you! I praise you! And I’m thankful for the Holy spirit convicting my heart to make a change. In Jesus precious name I do pray. Amen!!!

Keep your faith strong! The light of your lives shining BRIGHT! Keep inspiring souls with wherever you go!!!

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Don’t worry!!

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Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? – Matthew 7:27

Have you ever woke up with an unsettling feeling? You just rolled over, turned your alarm off, and your feet hasn’t even hit the the floor yet and you’re already filled with worry. “Worry” doesn’t care what time it is, who you are, or how much faith you’ve been talking.

Don’t become lax when it comes to addressing the worry. If you don’t attack it as soon as it starts to show itself you’ll allow it to ruin your day and sometimes even your life.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. I know it’s hard to trust God’s word when everything you see makes you not believe… BUT that’s when your faith needs to go into full throttle.

Instead of replaying the thoughts, circumstances, and facts over and over in your mind choose to believe the word of God rather than the trap the enemy is setting before you. God loves you!!! His plans for you are good and pleasing (Jeremiah 29:11) and He will never fail you nor abandon you. Even if you think things won’t get better CHOOSE to trust that God is concerned about YOU!!

Worrying only robs you of the beautiful gift of life that God has given and continue to give you each day. Don’t allow it! Choose to receive Gods peace and be confident that God is with you even in your darkest hour.

Let’s Pray

Father, thank you for the gift of life you continue to give me each day. Forgive me for taking it for granted by allowing worry to take root in my heart rather than your word. Father I know that the life you’ve given me will sometimes come with test and trials. As they come I pray that you give me the strength to endure, courage to persevere through difficult days, and the faith to believe that you are always there. Worrying doesn’t add a single hour to my life so instead of worrying. Holy spirit help me to replace the worry with praise and be confident that whatever it is that I may be going through that a lesson will be learned from it. My faith will grow because of it…and my love for You will increase because I know You will allow me to come out of it better than I was before I went in. Father I hang on to the truth of your word, I pray my faith never waivers, and my heart never be consumed with worry again. I love you! I thank You! I’m Forever Yours!! In Jesus holy name I do pray. Amen!!

Scriptures to meditate on:

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? – Matthew 7:27

Don’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Trust in the Lord with all of you heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. -Psalm 56:3

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! -Isaiah 26:3

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life-whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plan or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them.And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing. yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, “What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow will bring it’s own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Keep your faith strong, the light of your lives shining bright, and keep inspiring souls wherever you go! Love you all so much!

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